ConfidencePhobiasSocial Anxiety

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
– Emo Phillips.

Aren’t computers great? They can do so many things for us these days, either freeing us up from dull repetitive but important work like balancing our bank accounts; enabling us to do things more easily than ever before – how much easier is it to keep in touch with friends around the world now thanks to computers and the internet; keeping us entertained with an ever-growing selection of games; or even to do things we could never have done without them.

But for all their wonder, usefulness and prowess, there are many things which computers can not do for us – I don’t know about you, but I’ve yet to meet the computer which can cook and serve a gourmet dinner for two, mix me the perfect extra dry Martini, or put up those shelves which need doing. And if I am ever unlucky enough to find myself in a fight, I would certainly want to have a few friends by my side rather than my computer, no matter how useful it is otherwise.

It’s all about picking the right tool for the job, and it’s something which is pretty obvious to us for most situations.

So why, then, do so many find it so hard to pick the right tool for the job when it comes to fixing ourselves?
I don’t mean knowing when to use a plaster or a bandage, that’s pretty straight-forward.
I’m talking about fixing those aspects of our mind which we know at some level could really benefit with a little bit of the right attention, yet we steadfastly refuse to do anything about it, preferring just to rely on what we’ve aways relied on.

For pretty much as long as I could remember I had always been painfully shy, being really scared in social situations with new people, to the point of being socially phobic. A great combination, phobia and lack of confidence! I’d be the one at the party standing in the corner nursing my drink hoping nobody would speak to me yet simultaneously wishing I could be like my friends who were having the time of their lives. I would be the one at those business meetings who hated the “registration and coffee” hour set aside for networking, I’d lurk in the deepest shadows willing the time to speed up so I didn’t have to risk speaking to people, yet simultaneously knowing I was damaging my own future prospects by not networking.

I knew I should do something about it if I wanted to change, and I did want to change. But like most people when it comes to matters of the mind, I didn’t pick the right tool, I just carried on bumbling along, hoping that a magical “something” would suddenly appear and change me.

Of course, it didn’t.

Until, after one particularly bad incident, I decided enough was enough and sought out the right tools for the job, and oh boy did they work! For you see, with the right tools, change is possible and it can happen fast! By careful application of my own custom blend of neural sciences and technologies, learning from the masters in the field, I have now overcome those confidence issues. I can now go to parties full of strangers and come away having met new friends; I look forward to meeting new people at events, sometimes almost unable to wait until the breaks so I can find out more about them. And all because I used the right tools, tools which I successfully use to help other people who are in the same sort of situations I used to be in, and who really want to change themselves and know that they need to seek out and use the right tool for the job.

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Everyone has things they want to change about themselves; we all do, that’s just part of the rich tapestry of life. What do you want to change about you? Take a few minutes to pause and think about it. You see, sometimes the things we want to change are things we have lived with for so long that we don’t really recognise the negative effects they are having on our lives until something insignificant triggers a big incident. So take a few moments to really think about what might be holding you back in your life. Jot them down, making a note of how they are holding you back, perhaps what they have cost you, and how much it would be worth to you to find the right tool and have them addressed once and for all.

For some people they might be phobias – I know of one lady who was so scared of spiders that she couldn’t go to the bathroom unless someone else checked there were no spiders there first! A seemingly small issue, but it did have a noticeable impact on her life (the good news is she and I worked together on her phobia, had a lot of fun, and she is now cool with spiders; and she can go to the bathroom whenever she wants even if there is nobody else in the house to check first).

For many of us, lack of confidence in some area can hold us back in so many different and disempowering ways; imagine how empowering people find it when they use the right tool to blast through those confidence barriers? There’s no reason why you can’t feel that empowerment too.

So go ahead, ask yourself what areas of your life are being compromised or held back, and ask yourself what that is costing you to keep not doing anything about it.

And then ask yourself when are you going to start using the right tool for the job?